Village Idiot Returns!
Buses To Prom? Bring It On!
By Shannon Ferguson
Prom dresses and school buses: two words students from Salem High School should get used to seeing in close contact. This year, the school administration is going to make the decision on whether or not to make it mandatory for all students to take rented coach buses not only to after-prom, but to prom itself, both the junior and senior proms. Come on, guys, why not go all the way? Why not just stick us in one of those beautiful yellow Twinkies on wheels? What more could a kid ask for?
It would be like a high-class fieldtrip! Who doesn’t want to wave goodbye to their parents on one of the most important nights of their high school career from the window of a yellow bus that makes them feel like a second grader again? Personally, I can’t wait to slide around on one of those nasty, seatbelt-less seats of one of the city’s chariots; after all, its safety the school is trying to promote, isn’t it? I think the highlight of my night, as a senior expected to be on that bus, would be the moment I exit the esteemed automobile wearing the newest fashion; bubble-gum stuck to the bum-bum.
Now, now children, don’t poke fun. Safety is a very serious issue here. I mean, most of the senior class will be eighteen by then, and, if you should so choose, you could pledge your life to your country, join any branch of the US military, but we really must make sure you can get yourself to your prom in a safe and timely manner.
With the breathalyzers already in place, it’s only right to add the buses. I mean, it’s only fair to infer that members of both classes will partake in less-than-admirable activities on prom night, and it simply won’t be allowed at a school function! Hey, isn’t that what the breathalyzers were for anyways? Last year, members of the senior class were breathalized before entering prom, and after-prom. It worked, didn’t it? Instituting the same process would surely yield the same product, wouldn’t it? Using buses is just an unnecessary precaution. Years ago, the school would put together a scene out front of the high school, of a car accident, and what could happen if drugs or alcohol were a part of your prom night. Now, we’re just cutting privileges instead of working with the students to get the point across. This is what we call legislation before education, kids.
We, as a class, as two classes, as many classes to come, are being suspected before we even have a chance to think of committing a crime.
What happened to innocent until proven guilty?
————————————————————————————–
Shannon’s Salem-Scopes
What’s In The Stars For You?
By Shannon Ferguson
Aries (March 21 – April 19): You may be late for your class on the first floor due to the fact that you have to stop by your assigned locker on the third floor.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): No, you have not crossed into the Salem High of the past. You’ve stepped into the Art Wing.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Today,
the Smart Board will probably make you feel not-so-smart.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): You may find yourself longing to do a good deed. Make sure the projectors are all turned off, chances are we cant pay to have the bulbs replaced.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 23): If you see one of your English teachers staring at the floor, fear not. They are simply looking for book funds.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): Don’t drink the school water! It seems to be causing a mass epidemic of pregnancies among the teachers in the building.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 23):
Yellow buses and prom dresses are not far in your future.
Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22): Don’t skip a class today. There is actually a small chance the attendance system is up and running, and you will get caught.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23 – Dec 21): Beware the bald man; the Wulf is on the hunt.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan.19): Good thing the teachers figured out how to work the telephones; now they can call each other for useless jokes. But hey, no cell phones, kids!
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 19): Make sure you look nice today- well, every day actually. You’re on candid camera!
Pisces (Feb. 20 – March 20): Please excuse this- oops, nevermind!
———————————————————————————————————————————————–
Village Idiot Looks At Spirit Week
Juniors’ Upset Over Seniors Brings Out Best and Worst In The Classes
by Shannon Ferguson
The “Senior Slide” is usually the term given to the lack of motivation and participation of 12th graders in the classroom. This year however, the seniors started their “Slide” during Spirit Week, effectively falling off the map when it came to the inter-class competition. This is the first senior class to lose in who-knows-how-many years, but guys, we did it in style. We can handle second place, 09, and walk away with our pride and paychecks intact.
It’s hard to fault a class for coming in at number two when they showed as much school spirit as the class of 2009, but as seniors, that means we also can’t fault 2010 for going above and beyond the call of duty. Spirit Week is a chance for the four classes to take part in some good old-fashioned competition, and no one said we couldn’t play dirty. We got shown up, 09, so smile, laugh, and keep moving forward.
Jar Wars: we had the most money in our jar. It just so happens that a stealth plane came flying in from way out in left field, right under the radar, and dumped $140 dollars worth of negative points on our collective heads. But you know what, that’s what it takes. They pulled a fast one on us. They were more daring than we even thought to be, so shake their hands, its over now.
Dress As A Class Day: Well, I’m certain the senior class didn’t win. Lo and behold, apparently quite a few people were afraid to join us mere mortals and geek it up for a whole 6 hours. Probably second place again, but be honest Salem High, who was the most fun to look at? We do nerdy well. Pat yourself on the suspenders, 09, we lost with class. Um, kind of.
I will skip a long and tiresome rant about Deck The Halls, but I will say this: Both the freshman and sophomore classes chose great themes and did an awesome job. The junior class obviously won because they inherited the senior class’ rejected idea after we vetoed our own Wizard of OZ theme. Plus, they had the AP US History Guru himself, Mr. Craig Massey, who no doubt employed his AP clones in making the hallway educational. The poor Honors and College Prep kids must have been so lost. Munchkins = Average Man? Who knew?
Ah, now we come to the touchy subject. Pep Rally. Well, as I am the officially sanctioned Idiot of Salem High School, I’m a little upset that so many people tried to steal my thunder! I am the only one allowed to say things that are so moronic that people are forced to question my brainpower, but that’s exactly what I saw after Pep Rally. People insulting each other, saying nasty things, all in the name of school spirit. So let’s get this out there. Seniors; you were kind of sore losers, and juniors; you were kind of sore winners. Sophomores and freshmen, I commend you for your neutrality. Smart choice.
Come on, 2009, we know we were the loudest, so lets forget the technicalities and move on. We dropped the ball, so what? Let the juniors pick it up and bounce it along for another year after we leave. It’ll be interesting to see how long 2010 can hold on to the crown, now that its been proven that the seniors aren’t always perfect. Let’s go 2011, give ‘em a taste of their own medicine, courtesy of 2009, will you?
————————————————————————————————————————————————
Leave a Comment
No comments yet.
Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI
